Tonight, that song has popped into my head.
I was having a conversation with my sister in law that got me to thinking about how confined I feel living in this little town. It's a great little town, but I feel closed in, surrounded. I'm not a city-girl, even in a smaller town.. it's just not me.
I remember when that song came out in 98. I was 17, still had dreams and inspirations. 'It takes the shape of a place out west'. I wanted to travel west and see what was there, stay on a ranch, maybe learn to line dance. My dreams were silent, until now of course. I imagined myself getting away, being free and happy.
Back to present day, 14 years later. I love my children and my husband. But. Yeah, there's a but. From time to time, I think of this 'dream' I used to have, and I wonder where that girl has went. Not neccesarily the girl in my dream that was riding across the countryside on a beautiful horse, but that girl with the dreams. Right now I'm surrounded, emerged, in family life. I never got the chance to find myself before becoming 'Mom'.
I also dreamed of being a massage therapist. Have I ever told you I was even accepted into a great school? There's another big BUT. I didn't go because I didn't have the money. There was no financial aide for that school at the time, you had to have your classes paid in full by the end of your classes. There was no way I could foresee being able to do that, working, paying rent or commuting, etc. I decided to 'take a year and just work, save money, then go to school'. It never happened. I became Mom before any of my dreams could even start to become true.
My kids are a whole other set of dreams that have come true, and one day, someday, maybe, I can pursue those other dreams.
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