Long distance family

Forgive me if this post is raw & obviously edgy, but its coming from a place of many emotions. We have spent the better part of our weekend back "home" visiting my family in northern Indiana.

This trip is never easy, nor is it fun, and its especially not cheap.  3+ hours in the van with 4 kids each way. Gas, food, drinks, bathroom stops. Stuff piled so high in the van you cannot find anything you're looking for. Then something gets spilled and.... Those of you with kids get the picture.

We seem to make this trip less and less often, which makes me more & more homesick in between. I get really excited about getting home to see everyone. Then,  I get really disappointed.

After all of the planning, frustration, and money it takes to get a family of six 125 miles from home, it feels like I get an " oh hi, nice to see ya. Now I gotta go do xxxxx, it was great seeing you for 5 minutes" or they've made other plans with people they can see anytime, if they even bother to take 5 minutes.

Then I get comments about me moving so far away. Yeah, I moved away, I moved away to make a better life for my girls and try to better myself for them. It was not my intentions to end up so far away, but it was not my plan, it was the Lords plan for us. I've found happiness, a great husband & stepson , completed our family with our forth child.
There is a highway in between that does go BOTH FRICKING DIRECTIONS TOO.  Ninety nine percent of the time WE are the ones who make the trip with 4 kids and the majority of the time nobody can seem to take more than a few minutes to acknowledge our presence. I wonder if it's really worth it.

I can count on my fingers the number of times anyone has made the trip down just to visit since I left in 2003.

I just want to scream,  "what do you want? I moved away so I bear the burden of coming to visit, yet when I do noone gives a shit? I have to then drive to each and every persons home if we want to see them, and that's only if they aren't too flipping busy for us."

This isn't a one time thing. Its been building for years. Example? A couple of years ago after a few years of having to try to plan multiple birthday parties in both locations, I thought I would make it simpler by planning one party for all 4 kids well in advance. I gave everyone a few months notice. Not a few weeks. Months.  Attendance? Three. And two had driven together. I no longer even bother to invite family down. We just have the kid's friends over and save the effort & resulting disappointment.

I don't know what else to say. What else to do besides cry. Each time we leave the disappointment hits and I wonder why we bothered. It takes away from what joy I did get in seeing whomever did decide to give us the time of day. This trip wasn't as bad as previous trips, but there were disappointments that are eating away at me as we drive home.

So until next time, whenever that may be, I'll put my happy face back on and post on Facebook about having a great weekend visiting family. (those that didn't find us as an inconvenience)